See No Evil (part 2)

It was late November when I saw both “Blindness” and “Triage.” I had been meaning to write a post about the two even since, but December got in the way.

I had a homebound ticket to Brazil with December 10th printed on it. I had also promised myself and half the world to have a first draft of my dissertation by the time I went home — an unrealistic promise as it turned out, but which I tried to fulfill to the very last moment as best as I could. Add to all this the fact that this flight to Brazil would also mark my sixth move in two years, one could say I had quite a bit on my plate in early December. Little time left for blogging or for anything else.

The morning of December 10th found me sleep-deprived, mostly packed, high on caffeine and adrenaline, and pretty proud of myself. I hadn´t been sleeping for more than 4 or 5 hours a night in weeks — a feat that I had never ever in my life accomplished, especially not with the winter solstice approaching.

But after 7 years thinking that a doctoral programme was a black hole where my time and energy disappeared into the void, all of a sudden I saw my work coming together, and that felt wonderful. Add to this 1) the fact that in those three weeks I had performed three times with my two bands (and thought we sounded awesome) and 2) that I had got closer with friends who had been far away geographically or otherwise, the morning of December 10th made me believe I could do the impossible.

By noon, I had proofread, printed and handed-in to my supervisor the most up-to-date version of my thesis, which, though far for complete, was as close to completion as it had ever been, and that made me really proud.

Filled with satisfaction, I proceeded to my carrell at the library, where I left some of the left-over belongings which I could not take with me to Brazil. Realizing by this point that 1) I needed caffeine and 2) that I did not have a single penny in my pocket, I stopped at Massey College for a cup of coffee. I had no idea what time of day it was.

It turned out, however, that it was 1.35pm. Lunch had officially stopped being served five minutes before, but there were still left overs if one was willing to go for them, which I was. I got myself a tray and set down by myself in the almost empty dining hall.

There were only three other people finishing their lunch at this point. They sat as a group at the opposite end of the hall, diagonally from where I was. What with being hungry, sleep-deprived, on an adrenaline-high, in severe need of caffeine, and in a hurry to go and finish doing everything I needed to do before boarding the plane in the evening, I was almost done with my lunch before I realized that one of those three gentlemen was James Orbiski, sitting with his back to me.

But so it was. And in the state of mind that I was at that particular moment, there was no space, time or energy left for self-censorship.

I was unstoppable.

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